


If you were the last man on earth (I still wouldn't—)

by chuusei_teki_na_koe



Category: Final Fantasy XIII-2
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 23:45:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18187061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chuusei_teki_na_koe/pseuds/chuusei_teki_na_koe
Summary: There's no room in Caius' heart for anyone but Yeul. But that's true for Noel, too.But they don't have an understanding. They don't have anything.





	If you were the last man on earth (I still wouldn't—)

**Author's Note:**

> This references the book Fragments After somewhat, but you don't need to have read that to get this.

**oblivion**

 

The first time was after Yanny's death.

There were so few children in the village of Noel's age, it meant they were all very close, and very much like family. At this point in time, the population of the village had dwindled to the point where many people lived with those to whom they weren't related, and nobody saw blood ties as all that important, anymore.

Perhaps that was why Noel couldn't bring himself to be attracted to any of the others in his village. He loved Yeul dearly, but they'd known each other and played together basically since she'd been born, and they were very much like brother and sister.

As far as Noel knew, none of the others around his age or older had paired off, and he figured they felt the same way about each other. Or maybe they had, and he just hadn't noticed. He'd never been all that perceptive about these things.

He liked Caius, he told himself, because Caius was different. Caius was an outsider, not part of the family.

Noel had never been the shy type, but because it was Caius, it was with considerable embarrassment that he offered Caius his good knife. He was in front of Caius' barren hut not far outside the village. The older man stared down at it like he didn't know what it meant, though he certainly had to. Holding out the knife and sheath with both hands, Noel fidgeted and looked down, then peeked a glance up. He pushed the knife toward Caius.

In their tribe, when a man wanted to show interest in another man, he would give him a knife. It was easier than saying something out loud, after all. If you were shy, you might say something subtle like, “Oh, damn, my knife is too dull to cut this, can I borrow yours?” But Noel saw that as a little cowardly. So here he was, making a show of it and blushing to his ears.

Caius pushed it back to him gently with a hand. “I don't need it.” His expression was as unreadable as ever.

“Just take it,” Noel insisted, shoving the knife back at Caius again. “You don't have to do anything, just take it.”

Caius just shook his head without saying a word, turned around and closed the door in Noel's face.

When Noel cried, it wasn't because Caius had rejected him. It was because he'd done something so stupid right after Yanny's death. He should have been thinking about Yanny, but thinking about him hurt more than anything. All he could think about was himself.

x x x

Noel's training resumed without Yanny, and everything felt different, now. Caius never said a word about what had transpired between them—essentially pretended it had never happened—and Noel tried to forget about it, too, but he couldn't.

Caius smacked Noel in the side with the flat of his blade, hard enough that Noel knew he'd be purple with bruises the next day, and Noel jumped back. That had been a warning. _You're distracted. Concentrate on training._

“Sorry,” Noel apologized, though Caius hadn't said anything out loud. “It's just...” His sword drooped. _It doesn't feel right without Yanny._ Somehow, Noel still couldn't bring himself to say Yanny's name.

Caius took a good look at him, then lowered his sword. “We'll end things for today.”

“No!” Noel jerked forward. “I can keep going.”

“You'll only get yourself hurt if you remain distracted.”

“I'm fine. I can keep going. I don't want to go.” Noel realized he sounded like he was pleading, but couldn't stop himself. If training ended, then Caius would make him leave. Caius would only ever spend time with him for this. Caius spent time alone with Yeul, and Noel didn't know what they talked about, and Yeul was still too young for anything else...probably. Noel wasn't ready to ask that question.

Caius looked at him, sighed, and swept his sword back and onto the hook there. He meant to leave.

Caius would hardly broach any subject himself, but he would answer questions, sometimes, if it suited him. So Noel decided to be bold. Or perhaps foolish. “Why wouldn't you take my knife?”

Caius just gave him a look of exasperation. “You're just a child.”

Later, when Noel discovered that Caius was immortal, this remark would take on added weight. Would even Noel's grandmother have been a child to him? Who, if anyone, could relate to him as someone of the same age?

“I've been hunting for years! I'm not a kid!” In their tribe, if you could hunt, you were an adult. Noel had lost his childhood long ago.

Caius just shook his head and began to walk away. “That's exactly the sort of thing a child would say.”

“Don't run away from me!” Noel yelled at his back. Caius stopped, but didn't turn around.

Noel untied the knife and sheath from his waist, approached Caius, circled around in front of him, and thrust the knife into his hands, just like he had the last time. “Just take it. That's all. Take it.”

This time, Caius' hands closed around the knife, and he looked down at it. It was a simple knife, but good quality, with a beaded decoration Noel's grandmother had made on the sheath.

Caius' eyes rose from the knife to Noel's eyes, and his look nearly made Noel jump. Caius wasn't laughing, or exasperated, but Noel couldn't figure out what it was. That look just made him feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, and he ended up being the one to turn away. “See you.” And then he ran.

x x x

The next person to die was an adult who'd often taken a leadership role during hunting. He had been well-liked and well-trusted, and there wasn't really anyone who could fill his shoes. Another man was tentatively pushed to be the new hunt leader, but he wasn't cut out for it, and he kept turning to Noel to seek his support.

“You're the best fighter of all of us, after all,” the man said, clapping Noel on the shoulder.

 _Except Caius,_ Noel thought.

Noel wasn't used to this. He didn't want to be in charge. He was good with a sword, and that was all. He had never been any particular leadership position among the children, never mind telling adults what to do.

“I'll take point, you just tell me what to do,” Noel insisted, and the man agreed, though reluctantly.

That leader's poor judgment wound up causing the next death. And that was when Noel went to Caius. And not to train.

“Let me in,” Noel thumped on his door with a fist. There was no answer, but Caius was usually at home around this time of day. So Noel spoke to the door. “Come on, I know you're home. At least don't pretend.”

Silence.

“...Am I that obnoxious to you? ...I guess I am, huh. I know the only reason you ever agreed to train me is to protect Yeul. And I'm fine with that. That's what I want. I don't need you to like me. I just want you to train me, and to—” _to not die. You're strong enough, right? You'll stick around._ “To be there. So let me in.”

There was no response, and Noel was beginning to feel particularly foolish. He leaned his forehead on the door and breathed out a long sigh.

When the door was yanked open suddenly, Noel stumbled forward and immediately smacked into something firm and warm. Face in Caius' chest, Noel froze. His heart was pounding harder than the last time he'd encountered a behemoth.

Caius was, in fact, far more terrifying than any behemoth. But now, perhaps in a slightly different way.

When hunting, Noel was always cautious. But now wasn't the time for caution. Noel slid his arms around Caius' waist and squeezed. Of course, Caius was strong enough that he could push him away easily. But maybe he wouldn't.

Before he could chicken out, Noel stretched up and captured Caius' lips in his own.

Caius didn't move, so Noel didn't, either, neither deepening the kiss or pulling away. The weather being what it was, the air out here had been painfully dry lately, and Noel's lips were cracked, but Caius' weren't. His lips were smooth and his skin unlined, despite the fact that he had to be twice Noel's age. Most of their tribe aged hard, but Caius never seemed to change.

Finally, Caius was the one to give in. He stepped backward into his hut, releasing Noel. “Come in, then.”

They didn't talk much, after that. Not like Caius talked much most of the time, anyway. Most of the conversations they'd had were with swords, and this felt like an extension of that. Caius took control, guiding him with his hands the same way he would guide Noel with his blade, and Noel absorbed his instruction as eagerly as he always did.

Noel had never seen Caius really fight for real, shed blood and sweat for a victory, but he imagined it might be a little something like this. Caius loomed above him like he was ready to come in for the kill, hair unbound and wild around his shoulders, eyes focused and hard.

His hands were surprisingly soft, for someone who wielded a sword all the time, his grip around Noel's cock gentler than he had expected. He took Noel's hand, brought it to his own erection, and slid their hands together up and down the shaft, teaching Noel the way he liked it.

Noel tried to hold it in, but he came embarrassingly early, and when he squirmed, Caius just smirked at him. “Finish me,” Caius commanded him, and Noel focused on moving his hand in a steady rhythm.

Caius leaned on his elbows over him, head sinking down beside Noel's until Noel could feel his breath in his ear. This close, Noel could hear the catch in Caius' breathing when Noel did something right. Caius came silently with a huff of air and a jerk of his hips, and Noel felt the heady rush of having managed to do something to get to him, even a little bit, for once.

When they were done, Caius gave him the time to clean up, and then told him to go.

Noel hadn't expected any more this. But it still felt bittersweet.

x x x

Yeul was perceptive, and doubly so when it came to Caius. She seemed to know where he was intuitively, and have a sense of what he was feeling, even when he wasn't present. Noel just chalked it up to the connection the seeress had with her Guardian.

So he knew what he had with Caius—whatever it was—would be no secret from her. Still, though, he felt he should tell her about it, from his own mouth. Even if she already knew.

“I know,” she said, as expected. She was washing clothes, sitting on a stool in their house as she scrubbed the soiled garments vigorously against a washing board. It was the sort of task that seemed at odds with her delicate appearance, but Noel knew better than anyone that she was stronger than she looked. Noel, for his part, was helping with wringing. On days like this, when dangerous weather kept him from hunting, he would join her in domestic tasks. Since it had become just the two of them in this house, there was a lot of work to do.

“You're not, um...” Noel paused as he wrung grey water out of a tunic into a basin. “Upset?”

Yeul's hands paused in her task, and her head turned to look over where Noel squatted beside her. “Why would I be?” she said, expression pure puzzlement.

“Well...” Noel shook the garment a bit, then wrung it again. “Normally, people would feel jealous about something like that.”

“Why would I feel jealous?”

Noel looked down at the laundry in his hands. Well, perhaps from her perspective, there was nothing to be jealous about. The seeress and the guardian shared the sort of bond that went beyond a few sweaty nights. And Noel wouldn't fool himself. Caius was utterly devoted to Yeul, and no one else. And when it came down to it, Noel cared more for Yeul, too. She was first in his heart, and always would be.

Now that he thought about it, maybe he was the jealous one. But just who was he jealous of, here?

“Do you want to be my Guardian, instead of Caius?” Yeul asked, as if she'd read his mind. She went back to scrubbing, but Noel could tell she was listening.

“Why does it have to be _instead?_ Can't we both be your Guardians?”

There was a pause, as Yeul seemed to consider. “I don't think you can share that power. But maybe it's possible. And you can certainly both guard me.”

“That's what I want. I want the three of us to...” Agh, what did he want? Suddenly Noel was struck with strange visions of the three of them living together. It was so silly, he kept it in his throat and didn't tell Yeul. The idea of Caius living in the village at all, never mind in their house, seemed absurd. So then why did he keep imagining what it would be like? Caius could take the room where Noel's grandmother had once lived. He could spend more time with Yeul, if he lived with them. What would it be like to eat together? Noel wondered what Caius' favorite foods were. Had he even ever seen Caius eat? Now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure he ever had.

But whether she knew of his thoughts or not, Yeul just smiled at him and said, “I want the three of us to be together, too.”

x x x

Caius chuckled as he tied his pants up and pulled on his tunic.

Noel sat on Caius' bed, stubbornly naked. “What's so funny? Don't you want to live with Yeul?”

Caius' chuckling calmed, but there was still a quirk of a smile on his lips. “That's not what was decided. She lives with the village.”

“I'm _saying_ you could live in the village, with Yeul and everyone else!” Noel smacked the bed with a hand.

Caius combed a hand through his hair to re-arrange it, then pulled on his usual feathered headband. “That's not how it is to be.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Nobody's going to kick you out. Maybe people will feel awkward about it, but it'd be good to have another person around.” This was very true. There had been another death, this one, to illness. These days, it felt as if there were never enough hands for the tasks that needed doing.

“It would serve no purpose. I can fulfill my role just fine from here.”

“Yeul would be happy to have you around.”

That made Caius pause. He had always been impossible to read, but these days, Noel felt he could get glimpses of something in Caius, sometimes. Usually in his hands, rather than his face. Even when his face was a mask of stone, his hands could be tender. He made certain gestures with his hands when he was thinking about things, or when, Noel supposed, he was trying to hide something. And he was doing that now, the back of his index finger running slowly over his lower lip as he looked at the wall with an impassive face.

“...It's too late for that,” was all he said in the end, and after that, he made Noel leave.

x x x

Noel wasn't sure if he was subconsciously going to Caius every time someone died, or if it was just that people died so often, someone would always have died shortly before he saw Caius.

After Natarle died, Noel's life was whittled down to a few core activities. He would hunt and train, and spend time with Yeul doing domestic tasks, talking about old friends, reminiscing about the past. And then he would go to Caius and desperately try to forget it all.

He didn't love Caius, even now. Caius always kept him at arm's length, and Noel resented him for it. Not like Noel's feelings mattered at this point. There were so many things that were more important.

But Caius was there, he was still there, the one person Noel could rely on to be alive until— _until when?_ Forever, that was when. Caius would always be there.

Until he wasn't.

When Yeul died, there was no longer any more Yeul to speak with and remember, and no more Caius to run to and forget.

And so he had to service both needs himself, in his head. A village of one.

Remember Yeul.

Forget Caius.

Yeul was still alive, in his heart. Caius was dead forever. Noel had consigned him to mental oblivion. It was only fitting.

Trudging through the endless white deserts of this empty land, Noel's mind was wiped clean by the dry winds and crystal dust.

 

 

**remembrance**

 

It had been exactly two hundred and fifteen years since Caius had last taken a lover. Caius remembered it because that had been the year a Yeul had died, and Caius remembered every year a Yeul had died. It had been impulsive and brief and foolish. He had been, as always, too old for this nonsense.

Caius' first lover had been Yeul. He loved all the Yeuls, of course, but that one was different, his first Yeul. He'd been young enough and naive enough then to fall utterly wholeheartedly for her. Her death had felt like the end of the world. How very stupid he'd been.

He fell in love with the Yeul after that, but it was different. He was older, it didn't seem right. She was the same in some ways, but different in more. She saw him as a father. Even if she'd wanted it, he couldn't have been her lover.

Many Yeuls had been his lover, but just as many hadn't. Some of them, because they'd never gotten old enough, and some because they hadn't seen him that way.

He'd gone through cycles. He would sometimes resent a Yeul for not being like her predecessors, then hate himself for resenting her. He'd showered the earlier Yeuls with endless love and affection, but that only made their deaths harder. So sometimes he would maintain a more distant relationship, only to bounce back with the next Yeul.

And sometimes, though rarely, when a Yeul was young and still living with her family, Caius would meet someone else.

If there was one thing he had learned over the centuries, it was that no matter how old he got, his emotions would always get the better of him, given the right circumstances. He was better at controlling himself, now—especially after the fall, that made isolation easier—but he hadn't changed, really. He was still a human, and foolish to the end.

And this was the height of foolishness.

Noel's hands were clumsy, his lips too dry. But after over two hundred years, Caius supposed he was rather rusty, too, not that it would matter with a child like Noel.

Caius had Noel straddle him, move at his own pace. His hands rested on Caius's chest as he slid himself down onto Caius's cock, eyes closed.

Caius imagined those hands plunging through his chest to pierce his heart. It was a good thing Yanny had been the one to die, and not Noel. Caius wanted this one killing him.

Once Noel was comfortable, he sped up his pace, dick bobbing as he fucked himself on Caius. But Caius laid a hand on his thigh. “Slow down,” he said, mildly amused. “There's no rush.” Young people were always like this. Caius was nothing if not patient.

Noel obediently slowed down, eyelids dipping as he looked into Caius' eyes. Caius looked back. A mistake. But one that felt good, in the moment.

Perhaps, Caius thought, he should be rushing. There wasn't much time left, was there? The blink of an eye, compared to his years. He wouldn't know Noel for long.

Caius grabbed Noel by the hair and brought him down into a kiss.

x x x

Centuries as a Guardian had instilled in Caius a habit of voyeurism. At this point, it was instinctive. He watched Yeul, always.

And with this Yeul, that meant he had very often watched Noel, too. He'd watched Noel grow up, watched him as he tried to seek Caius for training, and then had watched over him as a teacher. He had watched Noel and Yeul together.

Today was a festival day. The Farseers didn't observe as many festivals now, as they once had. They didn't have the leisure, and so many of the old ways had been forgotten to the sands of time. But today was one of the holidays they remembered, so they put together what meager feast they could and sang old songs and told stories around the fire.

Noel and Yeul were sitting together on a bench around the fire, chatting and smiling, occasionally joining in on the singing. It reminded Caius of a certain Yeul who had loved to sing.

Caius, of course, wasn't among the villagers. He was observing from closer than usual, but he was good at remaining out of sight. Nobody would notice him.

Nobody except Yeul, perhaps. Across the fire, her eyes shifted through the darkness to look in Caius's direction. He knew she couldn't see him. But she knew he was there. She smiled, and he smiled wryly to himself. But she didn't reveal that she'd seen him.

If Noel knew he was there, he would surely try to drag Caius in to join the celebration. _Yeul would love to have you here,_ he would say. _Yeul would have fun if you were around more._ Noel only ever had Yeul's happiness in mind. He just didn't understand.

Caius would never join the village. There had been times when he had, together with a Yeul, and every time had been a grave mistake. People were so foolish, selfish and cruel.

Caius turned away from the fire, moving further away from the village, but in his mind, he still saw Noel and Yeul, looking at each other and smiling.

x x x

There wasn't much time left.

It hurt more, now. Caius would admit that to himself.

“C-Caius, slow down...” Noel gasped, hands fisted in Caius's threadbare sheets as Caius spread his legs wide and thrust deep.

Caius ignored him and kept going. He couldn't be kind, now. He was was pressed by impatience. He knew exactly how much time was left, every minute he had left to spend inside Noel.

_What if we had met earlier? What if you had been her Guardian, before the fall? What if we could have—_

“Y-you're such a dick,” Noel managed to squeeze out before the next hard thrust made him scream.

Caius leaned forward to bite down on his neck, threading his fingers through Noel's hair with one hand, before pulling away to ask him, “Do you love Yeul?”

Noel looked confused by the question, or perhaps by the fact that Caius was asking now, but he answered without hesitation, “Of course I love her. More than anything.”

“Good.” Caius kissed him, and Noel opened his mouth to him, giving in the way he always gave to Yeul, and after a few more thrusts, Caius came inside him.

x x x

Noel was angry, as Caius had known he would be.

“I'm not going to kill you!” he yelled, expression filled with raw emotion.

Yes, this was the one way in which the two of them differed. Noel was so much kinder. It was too bad. Caius would have to teach him to hate.

x x x

Caius left them. It was easy. He'd done it so many times before, and he'd known this would happen.

He stood outside the village, taking one last look at the barren landscape before his departure. Yeul would die soon, but not in his arms, for once.

Let Noel taste that pain. Maybe he could learn just a fraction of what Caius knew.

The desert wind blew crystal sand into his eyes and mouth. Caius brought a knife with a beaded decoration on its sheath to his lips and kissed it.

_I look forward to seeing my blood on your blade. I pray you remain in some form in the world to come._

_Remember me, there._

 


End file.
